Sunday, March 6, 2011

Piers Morgan says people 'want him dead'

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Piers Morgan has came out fighting - and no, for once we're not referring to his tedious Twitter spats with Alan Sugar.

Instead, the smuggest man in showbiz has stuck two fingers up at the bloggers who 'want to kill him' and the host he replaced on American television.

Finding all this criticism a little hard to take are you Piers? It's not like you have any difficulty dishing it out...
Speaking to the Daily Mirror, Piers said: "The things these bloggers say about me - most seem to want me dead, thrown off Beachy Head with the lemmings - simply make me laugh. I don't take any notice.

"Similarly Larry King can say what he likes. The idea of being lectured for not being 'dangerous' enough by the man reputed to be the safest interviewer in town is a bit cheeky.

"So no, none of this matters. My family, my kids are what it's all about."

Hmm. We're not sure we believe him. Do you?

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Is there any better self-publicist in the whole world than Piers Morgan? He's right up there with Katie Price in terms of knowing how to wrap the media around his little finger - and just like Katie he knows that a good feud can be worth its weight in gold...

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Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

Despite having an enviably busy TV career, Piers Morgan still manages to find the time to pursue countless feuds with other celebs.

And his recent (very) enthusiastic adoption of Twitter has seen him become even more of a troublemaker. He obviously enjoys having instant celeb beef on tap.

We honestly don't know how Piers Morgan does it, but we do know that the former newspaper editor and BGT judge is not to be messed with!

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
Piers and Top Gear host Jezza have got one of the longest-running (and most entertaining) feuds in showbizland. It all started when, in his former life as a journo, Piers published a story about Clarkson allegedly having a bit of extra-marital rumpy pumpy.

Did it all end in tears?
Fisticuffs actually. Jezza took a swing at Piers in front of a room full of journalists at the 2004 Press Awards. We think Piers kept his cool though.

Who won?/b>
This one is a long way from over, but Piers seems to have the upper hand at the moment. Jezza recently declared that he wouldn't appear on Piers' new US chat show - leaving the net wide open for Piers to point out that nobody in America knows who he is anyway.

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
Piers said what many had no doubt been thinking, agreeing with the Twitter user who had labelled Stephen Fry "boring" - causing him to flounce off of the social networking site.

Did it all end in tears?
Knowing how fragile Fry's ego seems to be, we wouldn't be surprised if it did. Literally.

Who won?
Criticising Stephen Fry is a bit like scolding a naughty puppy. It might be necessary but you're never going to win any popularity contests if you do it in public. We'd call this a no-score draw.

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
We're not sure about the backstory to this one, but it kicked off when Carol had a pop at Piers - claiming that he'd exaggerated the viewing figures for his TV launch in the US and comparing his figures to Jeremy Kyle's.

Did it all end in tears?
Well, he retorted that she "couldn't get arrested" on TV and then she lost her rag a bit and referred to the dodgy share-ramping affair that he was involved with at the Mirror.

Who won?
We'll have to call this one for Piers, but only because he kept his cool - assisted by Kirstie Allsop tweeting him words to the effect of "she aint worth it".

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
All poor Alan did was say he wouldn't mind Piers' job on BGT, and in response he got called "whiny", "repugnant", "mediocre" and "annoying".

Did it all end in tears?
Alan said he refused to be "drawn into an argument with someone whose face resembles a butternut squash" - which isn't exactly turning the other cheek - but it sort of fizzled out there.

Who won?
Alan - because Piers' initial attack was way OTT and because he boasted about his viewing figures again (yawn).

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
We're not sure excatly what Wossy did to rile Piers, but he never seems to tire of having a pop at the UK's king of chat (oh hang on, is that a clue?).

Did it all end in tears?
Since Wossy has the thickest skin of any animal on the planet, we doubt it very much. He's soaked up being called "a talentless little f***wit" and a "kiss-a**e" and ignored Piers saying "I were him I'd shoot myself".

Who won?
Wossy. All this name calling is a little undignified, even for Piers.

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
Piers hit the headlines in December 2010 when he declared that he wouldn't be booking Madge for his chat show, saying: "She is so boring. She is too vegan for TV. We have Lady Gaga now so Madonna is banned from my show."

Did it all end in tears?
Piers must have been frustrated when he realised he'd set Madge's publicist up to say: "Madonna doesn't know who Piers Morgan is but she's a big fan of Lady Gaga."

Who won?
Madge, hands down.

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
As soon as Piers joined Twitter he started bickering with The Apprentice tycoon Alan Sugar - which got tiresome after about 30 mins and which they show no signs of ending anytime soon.

Did it all end in tears?
No chance. It's just a bit of panto-style "fun".

Who won?
Nobody. Only the people following them on Twitter lose.

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
In one of his trademark bits of name-dropping, Piers apologised to the world for introducing his hero Sir Paul McCartney to "one of the world's great gold diggers".

Did it all end in tears?We don't know if Heather is capable of crying, but we could certainly hear her sharpening her nails after reading that comment. She responded: "I was very surprised that a reputable station such as CNN could hire such as disreputable man. It seems the USA is completely unaware of the damage he did to our brave British soldiers."

Who won? Heather, easily. Her calculated understanding of what flicks the Americans' switches (brave soldiers) makes Piers look like a clumsy amateur.

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

What's the beef?
For once here's a feud that Piers definitely didn't start. Private Eye editor and Have I Got News For You regular Ian Hislop has been calling Piers "Piers Moron" for years in his magazine.

Did it all end in tears?
There were angry exchanges when Piers was a guest presenter on HIGNFY, with Hislop accusing Piers of having him followed and Clive Anderson adding: "The last time I was rude to you, you sent photographers to my doorstep the next day."

Who won?
Hislop, after Piers later threw in the towel by saying: "The war is over. I'm officially calling an end to hostilities, at least from my end. I'm sure it won't stop him carrying on his 'Piers Moron' stuff."

Don't Mess With Piers Morgan

 

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